Neon Lords - The Pizza Campaign!

Millions of years ago, in the Flesh-God year of 1992, was the start of the NEON wars that destroyed mankind and ushered in the Bogus Age. In the darkness of the Bogus Age, the seeds were planted that would grow into the Gnarly Age. The first of the Dwarfling migrant ships appeared. Abbadox, the first War Wizard, cast his first spell, bringing unholy magic from Hell to Earth. The Star Spawn and The Arachnoids’ galactic war was brought upon the atmosphere of Neo-Terraxx as well as Her surface. TerrorRex the Technolich rose and fell from power. These are but a few of the Rad things that happened between 1992 and now! Pretty cool, eh?

Since last month, I have been running a Neon Lords of the Toxic Wasteland campaign. If anyone doesn’t know the system, it’s an OSR game set in a post-apocalyptic faaaaar future stuck in the 80’s/90’s with a high dose of heavy metal. Right now we are in our second gaming session, the whole premise of the campaign is that the players need to deliver four pizzas with salami to a very loyal customer… on another continent! It may sound silly (and Neon Lords IS silly), but the whole adventure will have some absurd twists and turns. Basically it’s a pizza delivery straight from the video game Death Stranding.

Our party consists of:

Steiner Frank - a scientist with a metal arm. Interestingly, he has a low BRAINS score, but a lot of CLASS POINTS. Which basically means that Steiner is used to working in a lab, knows how everything works from experience, but couldn’t really explain it to another person. He mostly responds to all questions with a simple “Ja”.

Swietlana - a deadly woman imbued with communist super-agent DNA. Wears a fur cap and colorful suit showing stars and planets. Can phase through walls and change her appearance to another person.

Max Hazard - the muscular and hardcore terror-chain warrior, an ex-organization that once served the mighty President and hunted xenos, that are still invading Neo-Teraxx. He REALLY hates aliens, but tolerates mutants, especially those that also hate xenos.

Toothy - a sewer shark mutant that is addicted to Hot-Dogs and burgers. Wears a large carpet as a tunic.

During our last game, while delivering the pizza, the party met a strange woman named “Helmet”, who is trying to build a spaceship that could fly to the orbit and back, bringing some ancient human artifacts to Neo-Teraxx. The party decided to help Helmet, as she promised to give some artifacts as a thank-you, after she returns. Right now our scumrats are searching for two important ship parts that are still missing, one of those parts has been snatched by moss monsters that live in a nearby swamp cave.

What followed was a long dungeon, full of tricks and traps… most of which were removed by Steiner, who activated a truck that was parked near the cave for some reason, and made it drive right into the depths - the explosion killed a lot of the moss monsters inside. Later on, Swietlana managed (with the use of her phasing abilities) to grab one of the spaceship parts - a big metal orb that can cast an almost indestructible force field, that will protect the ship from debris.

Sadly, the adventure made a sharp turn, after one of the gadgets designed by Steiner malfunctioned and sent the party… straight to Mars, which is basically now Hell from the video game Doom. There they met a vampiric Demonlord, and Max Hazard decided to sell his soul, so that the party could return to Neo-Teraxx. His soul will probably be spared, if the party manages to complete the quest given by the Demonlord - they need to kill the current ruler of the Kingdom of Miami, who (shocker!) is not a real priest of the good ‘ol DAWNSTAR, but instead he himself is also a servant of a rival Demon!

Well, despite the (many) problems, the first dungeon was conquered. Let's see if the party really manages to deliver those pizzas

_06.02.2025